• waitress:i'm sorry we're all out of mozzarella sticks
  • waitress:sir please stop crying
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  • 1 week ago
  • 121215

kittygoesnomnom:

what’s really amazing to me is that people are so afraid of body hair on women that even in a shaving commercial they won’t show a hairy leg. they demonstrate the razor by shaving a hairless leg. they show their product being completely useless instead of showing leg hair. it’s just crazy

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  • 1 week ago
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  • 1 week ago
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  • 1 week ago
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molebucks:

lovely-dna:

molebucks:

treat me like a college textbook. spend lots of money on me but never touch or look at me

no. treat me like your favorite book. keep me by your side, touch my every page, learn all my twists and turns, remember every word I say, even the ones that make you cry

*4-second-long fart noise*

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  • 1 week ago
  • 198397

deucebowl:

a fancy asian restaurant called “Suit and Thai”

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  • 2 weeks ago
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alexheree:

john green this is all ur fault stop blaming the stars

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  • 2 weeks ago
  • 366917

sharonosbourne:

“why are you taking your laptop into the bathroom”

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  • 2 weeks ago
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  • 2 weeks ago
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equalistmako:

equalistmako:

my grandma just walked up behind me and went “oh haha is that your korra cartoon”

image

yes, grandma

image

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  • 2 weeks ago
  • 53784

handjob:

"everybody put your hands in the air!" yells the robber at the night club. the clubbers think he is the DJ and keep dancing. maybe he should have picked a different location

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  • 2 weeks ago
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  • 2 weeks ago
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